Utah, it's been fun!

For those who haven't heard yet, I'm moving back to New York! I must be crazy for leaving the snow-less winters where it only gets fairly cold (still with a chance of getting to be in the 50's some days) and triple digit, not as humid as New York summers of Utah. However, it's time I went back.

I haven't seen either of my parents or my younger brother in almost three years. And any of my family that live in New York in almost five. Which is sorta really a hard thing to do. Especially when it's the holiday season and everyone around you is celebrating with their families and doing things that they've done together for years. It still amazes me that I managed to do it for three sets of holidays in a row. I spent a good part of it being somewhat miserable. However, I managed to find a copy of the movie that my mom and I watch every holiday season early in 2014 and was able to make the 2014 holiday season a little more bearable. That and making fudge using my grandmother's recipe.

There are plenty of other reasons that I'm excited about going back to New York as well. Just in this season alone: The ice skating rink is open and since I'm pretty sure my mom still has my skates, I can go pretty much whenever. And since the backyard of my parents' house is pretty much all hill, I get to go tubing! And going to the hill at Thompson park to tube and sled. Hot chocolate to go with breakfast, just like when my brother and I were younger.

Oh! And when it finally starts warming up at home! Even more exciting things. Being able to go on the tours in the Thousand Islands out of Alexandria Bay (which is my absolute favorite). Swimming in Lake Ontario on the 4th of July. Picking strawberries in the strawberry patches when they're in season. Apples when those are in season. And eating along the way since that was always breakfast the days we went picking. Home made applesauce with the apples we picked. Fresh squeezed apple cider from the cider mill.

There are some downsides to moving, though. I've met some really amazing people here that I'm grateful to have met. I've always hated moving and leaving friends behind. Even though I've lived in New York before this, there are only two people I still really talk to from when we were kids and even then, it isn't very often we do talk. I hope that the ward in town has some people that are close to my age. Otherwise I'm gonna go crazy being home all the time.

The other downside is that I have to leave my job. My store is full of great people who I'm gonna miss quite a bit. I've learned a lot from them. I'm gonna have more time on my hands than I'm gonna know what to do with when I get home until I start working again. And I'm gonna drive myself crazy. You can only do certain things so many times in the winter before some of it becomes redundant. Work the last three years has given me things to do and a productive way to spend my time. What am I gonna do with myself?

***Note, I realize I mentioned quite a few things to do. However, without money and people outside of my family to do those things with, I'm not going to know what to do with myself most days.

I'm gonna be positive, even if it kills me!

Earlier this week, I decided I needed more positiveness in my life, so I decided that I would find at least one good thing about my day and write it down in a notebook. At the end of the day, I've found at least three things every day since Tuesday that have been good, had a positive impact on my day, or just simply made me happy. Tonight, I felt like sharing the list from today.

1. Vitamins
I've had vitamins sitting on the top of my bookshelf for a while now and over the last week, I've been taking them every single day. My energy has been way up because of it and I've felt better than I have physically in quite a while (eating out less has probably been helping with this too). And I think it's been helping me be at least tired at a decent hour for when I really should be in bed the night before work.

2. Having anti itch cream on hand
I got swimmers' itch last summer from one of the local lakes, so I bought a bottle of anti itch cream to help. So glad I bought a bottle bigger than I needed last summer. This last Thursday night, some of us did a movie night outside at our church. In the grass. Which I laid down in the whole movie. Now I have bug bites up and down my arms that are driving me crazy. And even though I wore jeans, they somehow got my legs, too, with a couple of bites. Mean things.

3, Being OK with being alone
A few years ago, being single would have driven me crazy for reasons I'm not gonna go over here. And it did bug me quite a bit as a teen and for part of my early 20's. Now that I'm single again after nearly 3 years of being in a serious relationship, I've realized that I'm alright being by myself. I don't need a man to do stuff with me. I can go by myself and do things. If I really need someone to come with, I can always grab a girlfriend and take them along for the ride. Don't get me wrong, having someone to be with romantically is nice but there are times being along is just as nice. I've noticed, though, that I am finally to the point where I can flirt with a guy if I chose to and not feel guilty about it anymore. The important thing is I'm happy, working on things that need to be worked on, and I know things will work out for me in the end the way they are meant to work out. And honestly, I'm excited about the future and what it holds. I have lots of wonderful people in my life who constantly show me that there are always adventures are to be had, no matter where you are in life, and there is always, always, always love to be given.

If you could, would you?

Jack and I had gone to an activity the other night and while driving home, we got into a discussion about whether or not we would redo the last 5 years that we've known each other. Or even go as far back as redoing high school. I've been thinking about it more and more since Monday night when we talked about it and I've come to the conclusion that there is no way I would redo any of it. As nice as it would be to do it all over knowing what I do now, I wouldn't be who I am now if everything bad that has happened was erased. It's taken some time but I've learned to accept the bad that has happened and be alright with how it has changed me in the intervening years since the event.

One thing I've noticed is that I don't have patience any more for... Well, let's call it immaturity. I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I'm wasting my time with people when they're choosing to act like that; I have better things to do with my time. Maybe I'm just turning into an old lady at the young age of nearly 25. Or maybe I'm just being an adult.

Age

I am definitely starting to feel old. Why? My birthday is coming up soon and I feel way older than I'm turning. I will only be 24 but feel like I could easily be over 30. During a phone call with a friend a couple of years ago, we were talking about how he was 25 and he felt old. I kept telling him that 25 wasn't that old and I didn't believe him. Well, now I know where he's coming from and I had to find out a year earlier. Awesome. I don't think I like it too horribly much. However, like an older regular at work and I have established, growing old isn't for the weak. I wouldn't want to stop getting older, though, since I haven't found an age I would like to stay at for the rest of my life. Although things were pretty good when I was 3 and my brother wasn't around yet... In the meantime, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing until I find an age I like. Not likely to happen any time soon but a girl can dream, right?

How fast a year goes by...

Time has gone by so quickly this last year. Exactly one year ago today at this very moment (8:15PM), I was on a plane headed towards Vegas for what I thought was to be a two week visit but turned out to be the start of a year of firsts.

Until a year ago, I had never really traveled "alone." I've always had at least one other person with me. I had flown previously without at least one member of my family but never without a companion. I was completely by myself, no one to share the experience with.  And as luck would have it, the plane that I was to take just had to be delayed. Which meant more time to try to find something to keep me occupied as I sat by myself.

Throughout this last year, I've been away from home for the first time for things like Thanksgiving and Christmas and missing all the stuff my family does for those holidays. It just didn't feel the same without all the rain. Or my family. It was just another day in southern Utah. It's been weird only being able to communicate with my parents and brother through only phone. I've been used to it with other family members due to not always living close enough by to visit. But it's been strange to not live with them anymore. It's all part of the growing up process, right? Cuz that's what I keep telling myself.

The other major thing that sticks out in my mind is that I did something I never thought I would do: I got a job at a fast food place. Until I had left Washington I had always said that I would never work fast food. Or even at a nice sit down restaurant. Just wasn't my thing and didn't want any part of it. Now (more days I'm there than not) I work drive thru at the local McDonald's. It's not as bas as I thought it would be for the most part. I like the GM and the people I work wit and the hours aren't too bad. The regulars are pretty awesome, too.  Running into them outside of work is the weirdest thing. One of them I ran into roughly three or four times in a week and a half or so time span. Another I had run into at a local gas station on the way to a friend's house. There have been numerous regulars I've seen at the Wal Mart in town. However, I don't think they recognized me at all outside of my work uniform and my hair wasn't tied back.

I've definitely learned that it's not as easy as you would think it is to work at a fast food joint. There are quite a few days where I can't help but think that it's a numbers game: How fast you are, your order accuracy percentage, cash handling skills, etc. It's all about the numbers and how well they line up. Over the 11 months I've had the job, I've even learned how small this small town really is -- one manager live behind me, another one lives up the road from that manager, and a coworker lives across the street. And we definitely run into each other. But it's all apart of life... Right?

The best part of this last year? All the time I got to be with Jack that I wouldn't have gotten with him if I had stayed in Washington. We've gone through a lot and have gotten closer and learned how to deal with each other when something is amiss with one or the both of us. Any and all problems get dealt with sooner than they would have with us in different states. It hasn't always been easy but we didn't sign up for easy to start with when this relationship began. If either one of us wanted to take the easy way out, we would have broken up before this point and started seeing other people. But we haven't and will continue to work through the problems that arise. I can't imagine being with anyone else and wouldn't have our relationship be any other way.

Time flies...

It's been quite a while since I last posted and looking at my most recent post, I was quite correct in knowing that something was going to happen during the trip to Utah to see my fiance. The thing that happened was that I never left. What was supposed to be a two week trip turned into my never leaving. I found myself a job here in town, working at the local McDonald's. I picked up the job towards the end of April. Recently, I've been working on what needs to be a crew trainer, which is the step between crew and manager. I hope to make manager soon after. I like my coworkers and the managers are pretty awesome. A number of the regulars that come in daily told me when I first started all told me what a great crew I was to be working with. And they've been pretty spot on. I've been working pretty much full time since late May or so and even though it feels like I live there, I wouldn't trade my 40 hour work week for anything. Although I could do without the shifts starting at 6AM but getting done at 2PM is kinda nice.

Learning to live with with people who aren't my parents and younger brother has been quite the experience, especially when one of those people is the person I'm marrying. Living with him has brought us closer than the distance ever did and we've been learning how to make this work beyond phone calls and Facebook. And to be honest, staying down here has been worth it, I think. Any problem that either one of us are dealing with is more easily resolved and I like him being the first person I see in the morning before work, the first person I see when I get off work, and the last person before bed. Living with him has allowed us to grow more as a couple than all those phone calls ever did. It's been really showing me that I wouldn't want to be with anyone other than him.

Utah is way different than Washington state. It's so brown here that it makes me miss all the green of home. However, the sunny days have been nice, despite all the heat the summer days bring. It's been nice to be able to walk outside in shorts and a shirt without having to bring a jacket along for just in case purposes. It rained pretty good today and I doubt it got any higher than maybe the mid 80's or so. While it was raining, it was noticeably cooler (in the 70's, according to the grocery store across the street from work) and I actually had to wear a jacket out since I was so cold! I haven't worn a jacket here in months, not at least since right around when I picked up work at McDonald's and even then it was usually just at night when Jack and I would take a walk because we couldn't sleep. However, I'm liking it for the most part. The only downside is I miss my family, friends, and the Tacoma/Olympia area of Washington. I can't wait to go back for a visit.

Not this feeling again...

Change is in the air again and I can't help but feel it coming. It was fairly nice out today, so I decided to go take a walk to one or two places. I was on my way home when I realized it. After I got home from said walk, I tried to remember the last time I had this feeling and realized I had posted about it. After glancing through my previous posts, I came across the post I was looking for. As I looked at the date on it, I noticed that it was only a couple of weeks before I saw Jack. And now, I am only a week away (six days, if you want to get technical since it's after 12AM Sunday morning as I type this) from seeing him again and the winds of change are upon me once again. What is with seeing him and having this happen beforehand? I just might lose my sanity if this keeps up...

The change that happened last time was a good thing: Jack and I got engaged. However, I can't help but wonder what this new change is to be.  Life has a way of throwing me the most random events, or even people, (which makes me think God has a funny sense of humor) and makes me deal with it just to see how well I handle the situation/person.

The only change I can think of coming up is the trip to Utah. I have been avoiding the place like the plague since I joined the church, claiming I would never go there for even so much for a visit. You would think I've learned the lesson of not saying I'm not going to do something because I usually end up doing it. Never gonna take French classes? Did it twice. Never gonna go to Europe? Did it summer of 2006 (which was a happy surprise more than anything). Never go to Utah? Looks like I'm 3 for 3.

I really should start learning this whole "never say never" lesson. Cuz it doesn't seem to be working out too well for me. And even though I don't want to be patient and wait to see what this change is, I will just have to wait it out and see what's in store for me and know that it's for the best in the long run.